Smell Hell

Frack! Tina has cooked Popcorn in the breakroom AGAIN! Doesn't she understand that she is permeating this entire store with the smell of a movie theater? Why is she oblivious to the fact that other employees work and break here as well as the discreet comments from customers shopping in the area? Sure, She offers everyone within a whispers distance a few popper kernels, but it drives me crazy! I believe that Microwave Popcorn should be banned from the employee breakroom, and even the workplace all together *That is unless you work in a Movie Theater*

I decided to do something about it: I slipped an anonymous note in Tina's work mailbox, "Microwave Popcorn Stinks Up The Workplace" Tina was silent for about 10 work days, I don't know about the time when I wasn't at work; However I know this: The workplace was Popcorn Free, I couldn't have been happier with my silent attempt to stop this problem...
11 Days later, I had a note in my inbox; "You have bad breath, LOL"



... The Popcorn is back!

Skittles "Skit Tels is Really Good"

I am a big fan of the rainbow, I love to taste its glory on a regular basis. I suppose you could say that (cavities aside) it makes me happy; As a rainbow should. I am of course refering to the Skittles hard candy and their slogan "Taste The Rainbow" I've seen a few good Skittles commercials such as having the ability to turn anything one touches into skittles as well as people running outside to taste the rainbow as its raining skittles after planting them etc.

However, None compare to this guy: I think his ads are the best thing Skittles ever had going for them, Unfortunately, He doesn't work for the Skittles company, I hope that soon changes...

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Was It Toothpaste?

I met with a man at the bus stop the other day and we began to chat about our lives. Both of us new fathers of beautiful young girls we chatted about the joys of fatherhood and how life can often times throw us a curve ball and send us in a completely different direction than we first anticipated. Our conversation flowed smoothly and it seemed as though we were almost speaking with ourselves. One topic of conversation struck me as blog worthy:

As we talked about our morning and nightly routines, I mentioned that it was usually my duty to stay up late with my baby girl and rock her to sleep, I think it only fair given that I don't have "The goods" to wake up and feed her a few times a night and I usually sleep right through feedings.

"I understand just what you mean, I also put my baby to sleep at night", In fact, He recalled: The other night as I had just finished rocking my baby to sleep so I stumbled up the stairs in the dark, I didn't want to turn any lights on for fear that she might wake up so I stumbled around and finally put her in her crib, at this point my wife was fast asleep and I didn't want to wake her either, so I stumbled my way into the bathroom still dark to brush my teeth and I grabbed the small toothpaste tube out of our travel bag and squeezed it onto my toothbrush and began brushing, It wasn't long before I realized that the foam that usually tastes decent in my mouth had an extremely unfamiliar taste to me, So I turned on the lights and I realized that I had accidentally placed my wife's vaginal itching cream on my toothbrush, I spit it out immediately and started gagging before I could manage to find the toothpaste and listerine to rinse my mouth clean of the chalky aftertaste.

I was about to laugh my butt off but then I realized that he might not yet find the story to be funny, so I held in my laughter until after our converstaion was through.

For those of you who know me, You probably know that I don't ride a bus and by now may have figured out that it was and is in fact ME who put my wife's itching cream on my toothbrush and rubbed it around in my mouth for a while before realizing what had just happened. I figured the story would sound more entertaining from the point of another person so I fictionalized a small story. However at this point now that the chalky aftertaste is gone and I didn't end up with some kind of infection or sickness I do laugh my butt off thinking about it.

WTF!?

Today, As I was taking my lunch break, I walked over to the mall food court nearby, On my way there I walked past a good looking woman who was wandering around the parking lot as though she was looking for something she had lost. I went in, bought my Chinese take-out and continued to walk through the same area on my way back to work, This woman then approached me and our conversation went as follows:

Her: Hey, How's it going?
Me: Good, and you?
Her: Good, Do you think I'm Hot?
Me: Sure, You're a pretty woman
(I start to walk towards work again)
Her: Well, The reason I ask is because..
(Now walking beside me)
My friend and I make Porno's online and we were wondering if you'd want to be in one with us?
Me: Uh... Seriously? I'm married, No Thanks.

At this point I sped up my walk to work without looking back and I'm still in disbelief that this happened here... To me... Obviously now I'm back at work and blown away that this even happened... Period.. I'm actually quite grossed out by the thought of it. What the hell is this world coming to?? Seriously, WTF!?

Great Cartoon!

I have had plenty of free time at work today and I have enjoyed looking at several different types of cartoons including left handed toons by right handed people, and this guys' cartoons

I laughed pretty hard at this cartoon, thinking that their faces were priceless, and if my name were "Derek" and I was stuck in a fire, This might just be the reaction that my close buddies would have.... But I hope that it never comes down to that and I never get stuck in a fire, Even when running into burning buildings is my life's passion and choice of career.

Joy Riders Dump Vehicles:

Well, It has been over a week since I have sat down to blog about anything, I suppose one could say it was a busy week, But in reality, That would be an over-statement, Although it has been busy and filled with excitement, I've had plenty of time to get on here and blog, I just haven't bothered to. I guess I figure that nothing really "Funny" or "Cool" has happened this last week. However, I figure I'll share with you some recent local news:

Speculation has it that a group of teenagers have stolen TWO cars over this last weekend and ended up dumping them off of cliffs at then end of their "Joy Ride" in what could only be described as "spectacular fashion"..

Both cars being SUV's and in both cases, rolled right of the edge of a large cliff in the local mountains, I can only imagine how this must have looked to a group of teenagers, Pretty dang sweet I'd imagine, but with extremely dire consequences, I almost have no doubt that we will soon see a video show up on "Youtube" and find another piece of the "Idiot" gene pool as described in my last post... (Police are currently investigating)


This makes me think of a few things, 1: I wouldn't ever dream of stealing a car and pushing it off a cliff, OK.. OK.. I might have a dream about it but I'd never ever do it in reality! 2: I grew up with a love for pushing boulders off of cliffs and watching them take out trees and shrubs on their way down, A feat that can unfortunatley land some, such as a close friend of mine at a local hospital with a broken ankle, (Forcing us to realize it was time to grow up) 3: A time when once, my friends and I dreamed about blowing up his broken moped up the canyon... We ended up not doing most of these things because of safety issues, which brings me to my point, What is it with teenage hell-ism these days? Stealing and wrecking cars, for fun, Blowing up bags of poop in a microwave at 7-11, etc... These things are far worse than anything I'd have ever thought about doing as a teenager.. And I thought I was a pretty hellacious kid...

Source: http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=6981995

Fire Safety Fail

The following is courtesy of www.failblog.org, A great way to kill time and get some laughs.. Sometimes, however, The gene pool of idiots will show up and become a hit on the web... Idiots like this:

I see this as a form of "Job Security" for myself and other Firefighter/Paramedics like myself...
Need I Say More??

Officer Down!

I have driven past a billboard several times in my recent journeys and travels with my wife and one billboard in particular managed to always catch my eye. It is a billboard that was posted by The State Highway Patrol, The billboard, Used to grab peoples attention about drunk driving always caught my eye and a good laugh thinking of what someone could do with such a billboard.

I grew up playing several pranks which shall remain un-named for now on the general public with a few of my close friends, and I can't help but think, that back in our rebel days, This is exactly something that we would certainly talk about doing and unfortunately, we never actually got around to doing anything this big.


Above is a picture of the billboard titled "I see you Drunk Driver" It has a mannequin on the top, Dressed in Highway Patrol clothing... It has always been obvious to me that this particular guy would be subject to some kind of genius prank, and or vandalism as he was fully dressed in Highway Patrol Gear, First his badge, his cap and his clothes were stolen. Possibly a disgruntled driver who received a ticket, or a teenage kid looking for the opportunity to play the prank of a lifetime. As I stated earlier, It began when trooper was violated by having all of his clothing stolen, Highway Patrol then replaced the said clothing and bolted the trooper down to keep him there. It couldn't be done... Our friendly drunk driving trooper was shang-hai'd and taken completely off the billboard despite Highway Patrol's efforts to bolt him down.


Above is what is left of the billboard, Highway Patrol has no intent of re applying the trooper. Who I ask, is left to watch for Drunk Drivers?? Whomever it be.. I say Props to the guys who had the balls to take this trooper down! ..... I also have to laugh at the fact that UHP has handed some punk 2 free Highway Patrol Uniforms... Ah, The things that could be done!! Hands Down, Hilarious!

Source: http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=6827241

Good for laughs

Well: I really haven't had much happen to me over the weekend. My wife and I got feeling sick and are trying to avoid actually getting sick so we really didn't even go out much, We have hopes that we just over-ate or something. Good news is that we are both feeling a bit better now. Anyway, Since not much happened aside from what's been said, I thought I'd share some laughs with you. I wish to hell that I could take credit for this photo, I don't even know where it was taken, but I laughed my butt off and thought y'all would enjoy it as well. Enjoy!



....................NASTY!

Dumpster Diving

On a quick side note: A friend of mine sent me a picture that I have to share, Its similar to my last post regarding how the Male Penis looks like a monkey's face while in Cross-Section. This picture he sent me is of the Female reproductive system in Cross-Section. It looks like Strongbad. He made it himself, and I laughed my butt off. This should help me as well. Thanks for sending it to me Sam! I hope you don't mind that I shared it.
Moving on to my original post for the day, I went for a run last evening at about 7, It had been a really rough day and I was feeling the pressure, I left my wife the keys and took my phone which is also my MP3 Player, My idea was to run as far as I could until I got exhausted hoping to take my mind off the pressures of work, school, and providing for my family, On my way though, I ran past a suburban townhome community and saw several teenagers dumpster diving for their own form of "Gold". I tried to stop and take a picture but when I was seen they scurried away pretty quickly. This did remind me of a simpler time when my friends and I used to go dumpster-diving on a regular basis. Here are just a few of the gems that we found in local dumpsters.

1: We had a Frito-lay factory just a few miles from where we grew up, The "Chip Dump" as we called it always held gems for us, From packages of uneaten "Oh Boy Oberto" Beef Jerky, To Cases of unopened Tostitos Salsa, and an endless supply of expired chips of all kinds. Never had to buy chips during our time living there. In fact, We actually filled up our High School locker with these chips and made a few bucks every now and again hacking them off to teachers and students..

2: We found a dumpster filled to the top with K-Mart brand Sugar free sodas in every flavor. We quickly started diving here and filled the back of my buddies Honda CRX as high as we could with soda, then we gave them out for free at school the following days becase we couldnt' drink enough alone.

3: The Twinkie Factory.. We tried this one a few times and were almost never successful until one day we managed to find a bunch of Ho-Ho's and Twinkies at a distribution center..

4: Thinking of a time when I had to dumpster dive on my mission, One Elder had accidentally thrown away another elder's backpack, We weren't able to find it, but we did find a bag filled with all kinds of free coupons for dinners, so we split them up and ate for free for nearly 2 weeks.

There are plenty more stories I could share, But most involve the "Chip Dump"... Seeing a group of teens dumpster-diving made me laugh

"It looks like a Monkey's Face"

I'm currently in the process of again taking Anatomy and Physiology, I find this stuff absolutely fascinating, The things that the Human body is capable of and the way that it works will always fascinate me. I am only in competition with myself to score the highest grades possible, Although I recenlty performed very poorly after taking one of my Exams that I had spent a minimum of 25 hours memorizing and studying for. Oh well, I hope and pray to do better in the future and I had to get that off of my chest via this "cheap form of therapy" that I have taken up in blogging...

In other news, We recently reviewed The Male and Female Reproductive System, and my professor who I've really come to hate made us all laugh by posting a picture that I doubt I will ever forget onto the overhead cam. In reality, He's 100% correct, I don't know exactly where he got the picture from because it's not in any of our study books, and he claims that he doesn't remember either, but he has kept it around for a while. "The Male Penis, while in cross-section view, Looks very much like a Monkey's Face" He stated while posting this picture to the overhead cam.
I've come to the conclusion that he is correct, Upon viewing this, I had a good laugh, The similarities of a "Monkey's Face" and the "Penis in cross-section" are in fact, Very Similar! This no doubt should help me remember the mico anatomy layout of a cross-sectioned Male Penis.