Fatherhood

Wow. What a week it has been! I'm a father, I can only say that I really didn't know it was possible for my heart to hold so much love for someone, or something. I have of course heard stories about this love, and I'd been told many times that I would surely experience it, However, With that being said, I really didn't know it was going to be like this! I close my eyes and the first thing that I can see is my baby girls gorgeous face, I can't get her out of my mind, I can't focus and can't concentrate on anything else, I want to watch her every breath, and every movement, I don't want to miss a thing. She has spent as much time as possible with us in our room for this very reason.

At a week and a half over-due, My wife and I were certainly ready for her to come, I sit here at work for just a few hours today while my wife and baby are still at the hospital recovering from what can only be described as a really tough pregnancy and birth, Again, I can only think about them. We checked into the hospital on what was Saturday evening with no dilation and were given drugs throughout the night to sleep and to assist in opening my wife's cervix, Finally at about 9:00 PM Sunday evening after nearly 24 hours of waiting, She had dilated to a 1, I won't bore you with the whole story here online and I'll stick to the basics, about 5 hours later she was finally dilated to a 10 and it was time to start pushing.. We pushed together for 2.5 hours, After that amount of time, My wife had no more energy and the baby was in stress causing her heart beat to fall with every push, She was stuck in an anterior position (Facing Up) and couldn't make it past the pelvis. While consulting with our Dr, We made the decision to go ahead and get her via an Emergency C-Section.

In the freezing cold operating room, I sat near my wife's face and spoke with her throughout the operation to keep her calm until it was time to watch my baby get delivered, I stood up and peeked over the drape as she was delivered, It didn't take long, My eyes welled up with tears and I could barely speak, I looked down at my wife who also had tears in her eyes at the sound of our baby girl screaming, "She's here" I said nearly balling out of pure joy. That was all that I could say. It was now 5:00-ish Monday morning. I then went with the baby into a separate room where she was cleaned up, weighed and all that fun stuff. I couldn't really concentrate and I didn't get as many pictures at the moment as I'd have liked, I could barely hold myself together as I was handed my girl for the first time and I was told to take her in so that Mommy could see her. I then went with our girl to a different floor to be with her in the Nursery while Mommy was sowed up. This was probably the hardest hour or more of my life, I enjoyed every second of being with my daughter and watching her look around while sitting under the new baby warmer, However as I'm sure you can imagine if you haven't already experienced something like this, I couldn't enjoy it as much as I'd have liked because on the fore-front of my mind was my wife and how she was doing with the remainder of her surgery. There can be many complications with a C-Section birth, It was a while before she made it down to our floor and her final recovery room. Thankfully, Everything turned out great for us!

We sat in labor for over 36 hours in total. She's here now with us and along with all of the love and joy that I feel, I must admit, Its been a few days and I've been flooded with all kinds of additional feelings of anxiety and nervousness. I'm now responsible for another human life! I considered at one point going to look for adult diapers because I have what I have nick-named "The Nervous Poops" and I haven't really had much of an appetite at all. I only hope that I can be as great of a father to my family as my father has been for me.

To my baby girl; I don't know if I'm even going to be maintaining this blog by the time you can read, But if I am, I can only hope that this post will still be here for you to read, I've never been good at posting my thoughts into words but I look forward to every challenge that I will face while I am raising you. I can't even begin to put into words everything that I feel when I hold you and look at you. Its the greatest thing I have experienced so far in my life! I can't wait to get away from work and back to you soon. I LOVE YOU!!!